Miss Dem

{November 11, 2008}   The Finish Line

Okay, so my big dreams of starting up the blog again were trumped by the very real need to campaign. Daily. Each year around my birthday, I tend to wax nostalgic about the good old days (were there any?) and the idea that each new year brings with it a fresh new start.

And while most good starts end somewhere, or at least go somewhere, this was more of a false start. A teaser to let people know that in my heart of hearts, I am still blogging. So here I am on the other end of a long campaign finish line feeling rather purged of anxiety, restlessness and a fear that the future just might not be as bright as I hoped. It’s an unusual emptiness that permeates. I’ve been on such an emotional roller coaster – much like the rest of America – that I now feel dizzy from the ride. Happy, but dizzy.

On Wednesday, I begin my training as a representative-elect, learning the ins and outs of parliamentarian procedure, protocol and partisan meandering that allows us to move forward Progressive legislation or block the crap brought forth from the camp dedicated to drowning government in the proverbial bathtub. Campaigning was a learning curve in and of itself, but now there is another steep hill of intellect to climb and a jagged little pill of social decorum to swallow. Opinions run deep with me and I am quite confident in my need to remove my emotional fixation on things as quickly as possible should I desire to move forward the pieces of legislation I quietly envision.

I regret not writing about the ins and outs of campaigning, but it is those ins and outs that often prevented me from having a spare moment to think let alone write what I think. Time and again, life gets in the way. Perhaps I will find time now to write, in hindsight, about my experience. It is an inspiring and also surprisingly lonely process. You can be surrounded by a sea of people and yet feel all alone, often paralyzed by the vast amount of “to dos” on your list. In the real world, there are no campaign managers to oversee all the operations. There are no grandiose speeches or soap boxes upon which the future of our democracy resides

I will leave those pontifications to the great leaders of our time. I see them on TV, I vote for them in the ballot box, but be clear those are the campaigns dreams are made of. Or, the fodder for West Wing-ophiles like yours truly. On the streets of small town politickas, there are doors to be knocked on, postcards to be licked and hands to be shook. But also in the real world, I’ve found that by searching for the approval of others, what we really find is the very real approval of ourselves.

The face we put on the world must be the face we see in the mirror. Authenticity is paramount in the wake of such collective deception, but even behind the quasi-cloak of MissDem there are stories that are harder to share. Behind the bright smile, there are darker moments when it has been difficult to comprehend my own perception of failure in the eyes of my parents. Only now that I am state rep-elect, have they elected to sign on board for the swearing in. Suddenly, I am cool – or at least for the moment.

But there are more important moments when lives have changed, inspiration has been derived and my general faith in humanity has been restored. It is here where personal struggle meets the betterment of humanity that I live. Where the common good supersedes the common sense of even the most sensical of parents. It is here that I live.

And now, I will celebrate in a wonderful victory, enjoy the company of a fantastic boyfriend and cherish the fragile nature of happiness that we all seek. For as things have come together this week, so shall my will be challenged in the next. It is that challenge that keeps us going -that wreaks havoc on our hearts and leaves us dizzy from exhaustion, misery and joy on that roller coaster we call life.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: